Summer COnfessions 2012

I admit,that over the last couple of days.... (*ahem* clears throat)...I meant the last couple of weeks, the consecutive sunny weather days and smell of barbecue has brought out every crave in my body.  I  salivate just thinking about what summer means to me. LOL. I mean seriously, my thoughts are of crabs, watermelon, Rita's Gelati, McDonald's vanilla cone, barbecue chicken, ribs, crabs, slurpees, fireballs, burnt hot dogs, shrimp, Chick Fila Milk Shakes, cinnamon toast crunch....hmmm and am I forgetting anything...oh yeah crabs and uhhh crabs!!! Lol!

So all  the above has been on my mind...amongst other things (buying a new house, being a mother, pursuing music, coordinating performances, selling albums (*sidebar* my new album, Dosage III: The Time to B.E. is on iTunes get it today http://itunes.apple.com/us/album/dosage-iii-the-time-to-b.e./id525731698).  Ha Ha, back to what I was saying. I don't know why summer equals great food to me, but I confess I've been giving in to almost every craving. Then it hit me. I've been a bit overwhelmed by my emotions lately. Honestly, I've been stressed and its easy to fall into old habits when you're stressed. So I craved all the foods that make me do the "happy food dance" to take the focus off of whatever i'm feeling emotionally. I know this isn't the first time that I've written about emotional eating...and this here prob won't be my last.  I'm learning how to master this thing.  I will say that that other night, instead of reaching for my little night time cinnamon toast crunch snack, I put on my workout clothes and walked on the treadmill for an hour.  I didn't walk at a super fast pace, but I just walked and listened to music. I allowed the music to take me down different memories and I laughed and just walked off the blues and stressors. I needed that moment to feel and get moving. So sometimes when you crave all of your favorites...ask yourself, do i really want this or am I using this to make me feel good temporarily. Am I the only one who has been there? Let me know your thoughts:)

You can even see the difference in these before and after workout pics.

April Showers Come May Flowers!!

Wee hee the seasons are changing, the seasons are changing...can you feel it?! I know it has its ups and downs...cold rain here, and sun here and there, etc, but I don't care tho, cause I know whats a coming lol!! Soon it will be summer and with summer comes my favorite fruits!!

I hereby confess that I am a fruit-a-holic.

Check out this uber sexy asian pear!! Am I the only one who gets turned on by this lol!!

Okay back to the subject at hand....alas the seasons are a changing and I realize that for some reason, I tend to want to eat lighter as the seasons change. Anybody else feel that way? So here's a simple fruit roll call for ya.  What are your favorite fruits and veggies and how do you dress them up (you know, make eating them fun)?

Like for me, I love my blueberries in a cup of cottage cheese or in plain greek yogurt (sweetened with splenda).  Oh...and dipping bananas in chocolate and freezing them!!
Sometimes I make a pine-apple and banana smoothie ....
Or I eat little fresh apricots...

Tell me some of your fruit or veggie concoctions!! Lets get it!

Oh side-bar, this past weekend I went to Weight Watcher BLS training (the training to become a fabulous and dynamic Weigh Watchers LEADER) in Boston...hung out with some cool peeps (incorparted them into lifelong buddies) but most of all I learned how to continue to encourage and empower people on this journey to healthy living tee hee!! So watch out world!! Meet the Boston's Best BLS Group eva coming to a meeting room in your neck of the woods!!

I need some me time---

 Let me tell you about a fantabulous woman:) My grandmother, the world's biggest most caring person is known for taking care of everybody and even their grandmother, lol. In fact, the running joke is that when you came home,  you didn't know who was going to be in the house taking residence on the sofa...as my grandmother would often take in family members, people off the street, etc.

Growing up, I saw my grandmother take care of countless people and even heard of her caretaking days pre-Tekeah (you know, before i was born). So keeping that same line of caretaking, my first job out of grad school was a social worker with therapeutic foster care kids...needless to say, I was taking care of other people's childen, and everything in between. I knew their date of births, their last dental, physical, vision, etc. ..all that and then some. I learned as a social worker that when working with people and their lives, something is always going on as people's lives never stop. I mean they never stop!! I also learned during my almost 6 year tenure as a social worker that I created a dangerous pattern of putting others before me.

This pattern left me, sadly overweight, depressed, and unhappy. I can't eat lunch because I "had to do" others people's stuff.  I seemed to always say yes when I should have said no.  As I've transitioned to healthy living, I've realized my worth, my value, and how important it is for me to make time for me and also for me to say no when it is at the expense of my happiness or my mental health wellfare.   Think about this...out of 24 hours in the day, what time have you made for yourself? I know for some you have kids, you have work , you have this....but let me tell you this...because you have all these things YOU MUST plan your ME TIME. You are that important to plan time for you....even if its reading 5 pages of a must read book while using the bathroom (away from the kids, lol,etc). Create that me-time happiness for you---you are that important--and its essential to healthy living:)

Share how you created your "ME" Time space:

I'll start, there is a certain meeting I go to on Saturday mornings, when I could work those days (make some extra money for some future planning lol)...but that time is my time! It keeps me balanced...and unless I'm out of town! I'm there with bells on:)...cuz its my time!

MY DECISION THAT ROCKED 2010 & NOW 2011

Last year in 2010, I made a decision. I made a decision that I wanted to be consistent. I wanted to somehow build my character trait of being consistent.  So I decided to use exercise as a way to form that area.  I decided that no matter how I was feeling up or down that I was going to workout at least 3 times a week. I wanted to have rule over my emotions and that despite how I felt (positive/or negative) I would work out because I committed to being CONSISTENT.  I figured that if I could master this...then I could apply some of the same principles  and be consistent in other areas of my life.

I started with just a decision to be consistent, but I found that in order to be consistent that I also developed some other areas as well: committment, determination, flexibility, discipline, endurance, etc. All that from deciding one thing. So with one decision, I developed other areas and gained insight into things that I never would have even guessed about myself. I would have never imagined that my decision to be consistent would result in the before and after picture that you see now....but it did.

I feel that I have put in work to accomplish last years goal and now its time to apply pressure in other areas. I know now that after having accomplishing this that I have the ability to be consistent in every area of my life that I choose.

How about you for this new year?!! What decision will you stick to or commit to this year?!! Post your comments!

ROund 2!! 1-2-3...R U OUT FOR THE COUNT!!

I just finished searching the internet  (google can find almost anything:) for an excerpt from one of my fellow artsy colleagues, Olu Butterfly. I remember doing a show with her and she performed this piece called, Can I Go Back to Your Place. The poem talks about returning to a past love that ended horribly....pretty much going against the grain of logic.  Check out these excerpts...

go back to your place
as if it would be provided
a restraining order
against my stalker: loneliness
back for a second helpin
of fatback soakin in lard
with a side order of bacon, egg&cheese
after i just had a heart attack
is you crazy?

 can i afford to incur more debt
to reenter rehab
to pick myself up
like a flat furry animal
by the side of a highway
& reinsert myself
into rush hour traffic

 
Her words really capture what is approaching us in the next couple of weeks, a decision as to whether we are going to let  unhealthy living return and have a seat at our tables (ha ha food can also be our lovers too).  So many at this time think that since they went out of control for Thanksgiving that they might as well continue on the downward spiral..which I like to think is synonymous with Olu's line "pick myself up like a flat furry animal by the side of a highway a reinsert myself into rush hour traffic."  Just last year, and the year before that, and then some, was how I did things. I ain't lyin! I felt so bad after Turkey day that I was like I might as well continue and I appeased my sadness and guilt for more cake (my love lol).  But that was the old me:) Now I find that at any time, we can stop, make a decision, and do differently. You'd be amazed as to how much a little change will change the outcome of a situation. So I just wanted to encourage you that its not over. At any time, you  can stop, decide to do something different, and get different results. So what say you..?

Are you out for the count? ..or are u getting back in the swing of things:) tee hee!! Lets gooooo!!! Post your comments:)

Surviving Thanksgiving!! What did u learn?!!

So I have good news, good news, good news!! I survived my first Thanksgiving! I did it!
I did the weigh-in check after Thanksgiving and found that I hadn't gained any pounds! Zero!!
I remained the same!! I don't know about you but that is great news knowing that I have had cake, home made ice-cream and a deluctible log roll of some sort (My boyfriend's daughter made it and it was delicious) in addition to the traditonal Thanksgiving foods.

I tested my little program to get in extra exercise and the two meals before the big meal and it worked.  What is the most interesteding, is that last week was filled with challenges. Prior to me making my food and workout plan, I had sprained my ankle in Step class the Monday before Thanksgiving.  I thought I would be okay, but found hours later that I was in severe pain and could not walk. You don't realize how much you appreciate your legs and feet until you are crawling to and from the bathroom.
Althought I was in pain, my thought was WAIT!! Thanksgiving is coming...I need to work out. So, I decided that I would contine to find a creative way to work out even though I had hurt my ankle. Check this out! My sprained ankle did not stop my committment to healthy living:

It payed off. In addtion, to doing that work out, I also did a pre-Thanksgiving work out as well. Which I had sooo much fun doing it! I love dancing:) Tee hee and it was fun:) woo hoo! Check it out!

So my question is Thanksgiving has come and gone...what have you learned:)....what can you do better...cuz guess what Christmas is coming!!!

Planning to Fail!!--Keepin Fear in the Closet!

I remember the first time I went shopping to get some jeans after I loss weight. I had continued to wear all of my 10s and 8s which were falling off of me. So I thought, okay, I can't belabor this any longer and I went to buy a couple of pair of jeans.  So I tried on the 8s (too big) and then I tried on the 6s (still too big). I was like what in the world is going on! I had on a size 4 and they worked and I still had room (OMG). No stomach rolling over and no suffocating from holding in the stomach. I couldn't believe it, I now wore a size 4. From a size 10 to a 4.

I didn't want to believe it at all. In fact that day, I bought several pairs of jeans courtesy of Macy's sale (tee hee). You'd think I would've bought all 4s, right, but I didn't. Instead  bought 1 size 6...just in case I gained weight (and I felt a lil uncomfortable with wearing a 4).  I was talking with one of my girlfriends when I realized that I was scared. I kept the 6 because of the fear that I would  gain weight or just fail at healthy living. In fact, I kept a lot of stuff in my closet, because I was scared of failing. I thought that if I gained weight at least I'd have those clothes for cushion. Then I realized that I control what is to be and not be-- I determine rather this is a permanent lifestyle or not. I'm controlling this.

So last month,  I decided that this is permanent lifestyle for me and actually went through my closet and packed things up to go.  As I packed up things that were too big, I decided that this is my life and I will not be ruled by fear in any manner and most of all I will not be planning to fail.  I feel free!

Think about the things we've done and how we have unconsciously and sometimes consciously planned to fail.  We let fear rob us of our ultimate super power, our ability to choose. What are you choosing today or is fear deciding for you!

Changing the scale from enemy to friend

My relationship with the scale is an interesting one. We've had our ups and downs....like any other relationship. A lot of downs and a lot of avoiding. Lol! I liken it to that friend who will call you out when your in denial. Sometimes you don't even when to talk to them after they've called you out. I ain't lying! Lol! Those kind of friends get on your nerves, but you know you need them cause they want nothing but the best for you. Though you know they have your best interests at heart that still doesn't stop you from getting upset/hostile with them and or denying the obvious. The scale is the same way. The scale although we don't want to believe it wants the best for us! It wants us to be healthy...that's why it confronts us with the truth! Lol! And when it does we fight it! I did..I'd simply avoid that machine when I knew I was on a downward spiral lol! Yup, Mr. Scale got ignored! But when I was doing well we were tight lol I'd get on Mr. Scale with no problem! Well I've done some modifications with my relationship with Mr. Scale. Instead of him being my enemy, he is now my accountability partner. I commune with him at least 2x weekly. One for my weigh in and the other in the middle of the week just to monitor my progress. Mr. Scale keeps it "real." Because of the accountability piece, I no longer avoid Mr. Scale but have a better relationship with him:). It really helps to track your progress as well as certain patterns (like certain times of the month, you may be heavier or if you had a trying week you may have indulged here and there).

Challenge for the week: if you don't have scale I suggest getting a digital one (more consistent). Get your baseline weight at the top of the week (naked) and write it down and then weigh after one week (on the same day of the week..naked of course). Any changes?!! Let's discuss:) post Your comments!

Something's Eating Me

My journey to healthy living did not  happen overnight and or turn on one day like a light bulb!! I wish I could say that I woke up one morning and said you know what, I'm tired and I'm going to just eat and live right. I didn't. It was over time that I realized that something literally was eating me...and I used my eating/ lack there of to cope with it.

After failing repeatedly with this thing. I analyzed every failure and set back..after all, I am a therapist, so I did some introspection. I've been really doing some serious self-discovery over the past couple of years. From my self discovery time, I noticed a pattern from re-reading my journal entries, poems, songs, etc. I found there was a specific time that I gained weight the most....in the winter. I found that during the  winter I was most likely to eat all the stuff I had worked so hard not to eat throughout the year. I was most likely to get involved in unhealthy romantic relationships, spend unnecessary money, etc. Needless to say I was most unhappy....and so i filled it with something unhealthy thinking that it would make me happy.

There's a term for this....and a lot of women and people overall do it. Its called emotional eating. When our emotions are stressful or when we're going through, we sometimes eat or don't eat which adversely affects us.  We eat cause food is good...so good at times and it helps us to cope with what is eating us. I'll be honest with you, there are certain foods for me (cakes and pies:), that i feel like i'm having an orgasm (ooh the coconut cream pie shake from Sonic! My God!!)...its just that good to me (sorry, but I'm being honest..u can bleep out that part lol). So I've been trying to do a better job at realizing when I'm emotionally just out of control...cuz that's when I go hard for sweets and whatever I can put my hands on. I haven't arrived yet, and am still working on it.  But self- awareness is key and learning how you cope with stuff helps you to be able to change it.

So here's this week's challenge: If you can journal for a week do it:) if you can only do 3 days do it.... do what you can.  Just jot down your feelings and what you ate for the day. Thats it...and lets discuss the findings (post your comments)