Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Quitting Dreamer?!

'but somewhere along the way,
we abandon our dreams, forget our dreams".......
                                                                ~Dosage III: Beautiful Dreamer 

So many things have been going thru my mind lately. Namely, if I should retire as a singer /songwriter....retire the artist known as Green Tea. Those thoughts have been circling my mind for months.  If  I should give up the fight of pursuing the dream. I still have no answer. 

One, its truly hard for me to quit anything. People who know me, know that I am one of the most competitive person ever. I have been given the middle finger while playing Taboo and have been curtly excused from a dinner date due to scrabble and injustices lol. I love challenges and they motivate me. My husband knows that if someone's tell me no, then that will fuel me to prove them wrong. In fact, thats how Dosage III, came to be. Someone wanted to give me a bad demo deal and I was like uhh...wait, I can do this myself.  I have been told no several times by many but in the end have succeeded by just putting one foot in front of the other and shaking off the blows that come with the pursuit of the dream.  But in the past couple of months, thoughts circle my head repeatedly about letting go and moving on. I don't know if its because I'm getting older and have a family or what.

I will say as an artist, I feel I have grown year after year since entering the music game, green eyed, in 2004. I feel my music has a purpose and have helped many, but not on the scale that I would like.   I feel like at times there is a wall that permits  me from going forward and I have no idea what it is.  I guess thats the part that hurts me to my core. Knowing that I have this gift of singing and songwriting and not the proper platform to share it. Thats when the thought comes in that maybe this is it. And then I have performances that are golden and highlight that this is what I'm supposed to be doing.

 Then the other thought that Dreams and Purposes are not all fairy tales filled with wispy clouds twirling around, comes in. They take work, dedication, sacrifice, and balance. But when is enough enough is the question? Just sharing my thoughts and feelings... would love to hear your thoughts.

 In  growth, in love, in healing,

Green Tea