Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Quitting Dreamer?!

'but somewhere along the way,
we abandon our dreams, forget our dreams".......
                                                                ~Dosage III: Beautiful Dreamer 

So many things have been going thru my mind lately. Namely, if I should retire as a singer /songwriter....retire the artist known as Green Tea. Those thoughts have been circling my mind for months.  If  I should give up the fight of pursuing the dream. I still have no answer. 

One, its truly hard for me to quit anything. People who know me, know that I am one of the most competitive person ever. I have been given the middle finger while playing Taboo and have been curtly excused from a dinner date due to scrabble and injustices lol. I love challenges and they motivate me. My husband knows that if someone's tell me no, then that will fuel me to prove them wrong. In fact, thats how Dosage III, came to be. Someone wanted to give me a bad demo deal and I was like uhh...wait, I can do this myself.  I have been told no several times by many but in the end have succeeded by just putting one foot in front of the other and shaking off the blows that come with the pursuit of the dream.  But in the past couple of months, thoughts circle my head repeatedly about letting go and moving on. I don't know if its because I'm getting older and have a family or what.

I will say as an artist, I feel I have grown year after year since entering the music game, green eyed, in 2004. I feel my music has a purpose and have helped many, but not on the scale that I would like.   I feel like at times there is a wall that permits  me from going forward and I have no idea what it is.  I guess thats the part that hurts me to my core. Knowing that I have this gift of singing and songwriting and not the proper platform to share it. Thats when the thought comes in that maybe this is it. And then I have performances that are golden and highlight that this is what I'm supposed to be doing.

 Then the other thought that Dreams and Purposes are not all fairy tales filled with wispy clouds twirling around, comes in. They take work, dedication, sacrifice, and balance. But when is enough enough is the question? Just sharing my thoughts and feelings... would love to hear your thoughts.

 In  growth, in love, in healing,

Green Tea

3 comments:

  1. I do have more to say on the matter, as I have had similar thoughts, but I hope you do not retire, as your grind has inspired me.

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  2. I have felt the same ways at times and wanted to give up. However, the dream would not let me give up. When there is no evidence of why you should keep going and a part of you wants to stay with your dream That means your dream will happen.

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  3. I think you have penned a feeling that many an artist/cre8or has experienced at some point, for an array of reasons. In the end, I think only you truly can answer that question of when to give up on the dream. I've had friends in similar situations, who've all made different decisions for different reasons. And I can say, that the one thing they all have in common, is that they all missed the way it used to be-- after making their decision.

    What really matters, is if you can cope with that feeling afterward, can you make peace with your final decision? Yeah there will be a period of transition you'll have to work thru, but afterwards, are you ok with that decision? The good thing however, is you can always un-retire. Your decision does not have to be a finite one. IMO, as long as you still love what you do, then you know your answer. But the minute it feels more like work or something you dread...

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